Death By Orphans

It seems that the world community has lost interest in Argentina’s gnome infestation. Not me! I have written my senator a letter with some forcefully underlined words. Apathy in Argentina is inexcusable.

For those of you still unaware of the current panic gripping (with little hands) our friends to the south. Here is the evidence of three sightings:

“You know what I think’s creepier?” said Aaron Neber when reached for comment. “The videos of maids that pick up cameras and accidentally film themselves.” He continued, “They are just as short and jarring, and you know that shit’s real.”

“What’s this have to do with David Bowie?? you ask. Right now I only have my suspicions, but Mr. Bowie has been strangely absent from the public eye for a few years. If he wasn’t up to something nefarious he’d have a degrading and exploitive reality show on VH1 or Bravo right now. What’s he hiding? How are we supposed to trivialize his inspiring and admirable career if he won’t subject himself to public humiliation by way of cable syndication?

I propose the theory that he does have a reality show in the works. It’s something between “Punk’d” and “Ghost Hunters.” Bowie uses his other worldly connections to convince gnomes to pull pranks on Argentinean teenagers. We know he’s worked with gnomes before:

David Bowie – The Laughing Gnome

It’s pretty obvious when you really think about it. The problem is that, once released, you can’t control gnomes, and they (unlike goblins) aren’t suspectible to Dance Magic. If we can’t stop the gnoming in Argentina, we’ll be seeing a lot more youtube videos like these. Write your senators.